So, when I decided to sign up for this blog, I did so with a bit of trepidation.
You see, the idea for this blog came to me one night as I was driving. I had tried to discern whether to make the leap on a business endeavor, and I put on a worship playlist, hoping it would speak to me.
I found that God was not leading me down that path after all. He had a different plan for me, and He shared it with three simple words.
Use My Name.
I wanted to ignore it. I wanted to be like Jonah, running as far as humanly possible from the work I was being called to do. I must have misunderstood Him. Who am I that I was called to this?
I mean, I had blogged before, sure, but something about this one felt different. This one was me claiming a new ministry, and putting myself out there as an example for other mothers. As I reflected, I thought:
Lord, why are you asking me? I am not an example. I am usually a hot mess. I am a sinner, and I often fall short as a mother, a wife, and a human being. I can’t do this.
But God spoke to me and made something abundantly clear that night. He made it clear in a way that I just couldn’t ignore. I have only been spoken to that loudly and that clearly a handful of times in my thirty-plus years on this earth.
Use my name.
His name, His most holy name.
I bought a domain name.
And it sat there.
(Follow through has never been a strength of mine—the spirit is willing, but the flesh is oh-so-weak.)
Finally, one night, after my son had started K3 and I actually had half a second to myself, a small voice inside nagged me.
I went to sign up for a new host and make myself commit to making an actual go at this. I prepared to step out into the ocean, hoping that He would give me the grace to walk.
Like Peter, I doubted, and started to sink. I questioned Him. I questioned myself. I questioned the idea. I needed more to make the leap.
Something I do when I don’t know what else to do is to let my bible fall open and trust that the Holy Spirit will guide me to an answer. This time, I didn’t trust myself not to scan the whole page I opened, choosing what I wanted the answer to be. So I went online to a random verse generator.
I got this:
So, I guess, the time has come for me to step out in faith. To trust that He will give me the grace I need to follow His command. I’m afraid, but I also know that God always provides. He will this time too. Praise be to Him.