Yesterday, I met with my therapist. (I have OCD.) We’re currently working through scrupulosity and guilt.
Somehow, we got around to her asking about whether I feel “good enough” or “deserving” of things, and I had a thought.
Well, no, I don’t. Because I’m not. I’m not good enough. I’m not deserving. I fall short. I’ll never deserve the wonderful things God has given me, and I’ll never deserve the immense trust that God placed in me when I was given these little souls to take care of.
That doesn’t matter.
Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive for our best, of course we should. We should always try to take that next step toward holiness,but there is something immensely freeing in acknowledging that there has only been one perfect mother, and we are not her. We are not expected to earn the graces that are given to us.
Repeat after me:
“We are not expected to be perfect.”
This knowledge lets us do what we CAN do, and allows us to let go of the guilt.
I’m human. A sinner. I’m going to fall short. These are simple, undeniable facts.
There will be days when the laundry piles up or I lose my temper. Days when we eat pancakes for dinner because I couldn’t make it to the grocery store. I know there will be days when my children watch too much television because it’s the only way I’m going to make it through the day and days when my only accomplishment will be keeping the children alive and fed. There will be days when it seems like I can’t do anything right.
I will fall short, make mistakes, and sin.
“Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”
The simple fact is that I AM unworthy, but I am given the literal presence of Christ even in my broken state. Clearly, then, Jesus has overlooked my unworthiness. So now it’s time for me to overlook the mistakes I have made, go to confession, and move on, trusting in His mercy and goodness.
Let go of the guilt, mamas. It doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t serve your families, and it doesn’t serve our Lord.
Peace be with you.